Why is it Hard for People to Express Themselves through Words?

Everyone has a different answer to this question, and others might argue that it isn’t hard at all for a person to express themselves through words. At the core of this question I believe the answer can be found with one single word that expands into many different possible explanations: Atmosphere. Atmosphere includes everything from friends and family, to your location, and even your culture.

I find it harder to express myself through verbal communication, because both of my parents were raised in a culture where it wasn’t socially acceptable to sit and talk about your feelings at the dinner table. They didn’t have complete support from adult figures to express themselves, and as they put it, “Our parents were very narrow minded and they didn’t believe in the whole “Let’s talk about our feelings and ideals.” Even though my parents have tried to change, It has still played a minor factor into my upbringing. Although my parents are  supportive and more than willing to talk to me about anything I feel or have to say, it’s something they’re not used to and it’s quite uncommon. It’s uncomfortable as well, because I always feel like there is a correct answer that I have to give, or else I will sound like too much of complainer or oversharer. Since I don’t have the confident  ability to express myself with words around my family, it definitely harder for me to use verbal expression with friends, classmates, and even distant relatives.

Another example of atmosphere affecting expression through words can be found in the acclaimed novel, The Catcher in the Rye. The main character, Holden, a young man struggling to cope with the idea that he must leave his childhood behind and enter adulthood, has a hard time finding anybody that will listen to him. Throughout the novel, he is very indecisive and he always seems to come off with ideas from the deep end that many cannot comprehend, such as asking taxi drivers where the ducks go when the pond freezes over. In Holden’s atmosphere, he is set on his ideas, but his friends and family have affected the way he chooses to express himself verbally, because Holden has convinced himself that no one can really understand his thoughts and emotions.  It’s almost as if his friends and family have made him anti- expressive through the many times they have tried but failed to understand him. In this particular atmosphere the expressor is not challenged with incapability, but the incapability of others to accustom to what Holden is trying to say. Sometimes, it is not others faults. Sometimes, we express with words that very few will understand.

We fear not being heard because of who we are and where we come from. In a short essay, How To Tame a Wild Tongue by Gloria Anzaldúa, depicts this reality by pointing out that she was made fun of and punished for speaking broken and heavy accented english. The atmosphere surrounded by her did not allow her to express herself through verbal communication, because no one would listen. Even though she was smart, everyone around her would see her as an ignorant immigrant. After a while I can’t imagine how difficult it becomes to express yourself without the fear of being judged or shut down.

There is also an alternative answer to this question. Many others are outstanding at expressing themselves through their actions and body language rather than their words. Their atmosphere has crafted them into efficient action expressors rather than verbal communicators. These are usually people who have a harder time saying what they need to get across and rather show exactly what they mean.

In the beginning of the year I attended a sportsmanship conference on behalf of my cross country team. There were representatives from each sport in our school. As our guest speaker was talking about what it takes to be leader he asked us to move our right arm in a circular motion above our heads. After three minutes of talking and giving us examples he told us we were ready. He asked us to put our hand on our chin and as he said that he placed his hand on his cheek. We all followed him and put our hand on our cheeks when he specifically said our chin.

He started shouting, “Is that your chin brother?”

“ I had no idea my chin was located on my cheek!”

We all erupted in laughter at the mistake we had all made. When everyone settled down he explained that this activity was an example of actions speaking louder than words. He said, “Sometimes, We do things and people will follow, because actions are sometimes more powerful than any words that are said. Whether it’s a good or bad example, others are bound to follow. People might not remember what you say, but they will remember what you did and the impact that you made by your actions.” This was a clear definition of validated expression through actions. And maybe this is why people find it harder to express themselves through words. Maybe because words aren’t enough for them. Maybe it’s harder to express yourself through words, because you simply can’t. No words can ever  be enough to express your thoughts and emotions.

Some of us are shy, and some of us have too much to say. Some of us are great verbal communicators and some of us are better action orientated. I think Holden was trying to communicate that it’s difficult for people to express themselves through words whether  a person’s well at verbal expression, because it can be difficult for a person’s atmosphere to understand and process an individual’s thoughts and emotions. Whether it’s harder to express ourselves through words depends on the person’s willingness to break all difficult emotional and social boundaries to express oneself.

 

-Laura

Picture This.

“She drank from a bottle called DRINK ME

And up she grew so tall,

She ate from a plate called TASTE ME

And down she shrank so small.

And so she changed, while other folks

Never tried nothin’ at all.”

 

I spent this past weekend consumed by my childhood nostalgia. Now that AP’s have ended I  have had a lot more free time to be productive with my personal life, or as my mom puts it, “You have more time to clean the house and help around.” During this past semester I have probably only thoroughly cleaned my room once. I use the term “thoroughly,” because I believe there is a big difference between trying to make your room look clean and externally beautiful, versus actually going through the two hour process of a really making sure you clean between all corners and cracks. Some people see cleaning as a hassle, but I have always used cleaning as a stress reliever, a really feel-good thing to do. I think cleaning is also really cool, because you get to go through all your things and reminisce about past memories through inanimate objects.

If you’re like me, cleaning my room takes almost double the time, because I enjoy going through all my old papers, pictures, music, and just about anything I haven’t looked at for awhile. This time around I found one of my old favorite poem books from my early childhood. I found the dusty- spiderwebbed book hidden in the corner behind my writing desk. It had probably fallen over due to the occasional over piling stacks of paper from school I had managed to fit next to my bookshelf. I had a big smile when I realized it was Where the Sidewalk Ends, by Shel SIlverstein, because he has always been one of my favorite writers. To this day, The Giving Tree is a book that I still read to this day, because It has a beautiful timeless message that’s a classic reminder that life’s about giving back through love. Finding the book reminded me of my parents reading and acting out those very characterized poems to my brother and I almost every night before we went to bed. I recall being so happy laughing so hard when my father tried to reenact the poem, Dirtiest Man in the World.

After rediscovering my long lost treasure of a book, it was simply impossible to go back to cleaning my room. I spent the next few hours looking at some of my more favorite picture books I have kept over the years in long forgotten cabinet in the garage. I even found a recording of another Shel Silverstein book, A Light in the Attic. I had practically begged my mom to buy the recording for our car trips. Rediscovering all those books were like rediscovering happy memories. Just like the simple, but impactful messages in those books. I also saw how life was so much simpler and happy, but how also how specific childhood moments have helped shape my beliefs and who I am as a person. Looking at all my childhood books made we wonder why picture books are specifically directed towards children, because almost all of us could stand to use refresher on these simple messages to be better happier and nicer people to others and ourselves; Something that most of us forget to put into effect each day.

Picture Books are meant to have no underlying message. They are meant to have a bright yellow theme tied around them. If we have read so many picture books with the same loving and beneficial messages each day as children, why is it so hard to put it into effect as adults? If they’re so simple, why Can’t we follow? Why, as adults, do we brush these books aside, and deem “Unrealistic” and “Fit for the mind of a child?” I never finished cleaning my room, but what I did this weekend, benefited me more than any cleaning I could have ever completed. Looking back can always help us in unimaginable ways.

 

-Laura

 

Below is a list of some of my favorite picture books definitely worth checking out (: (In no particular order)

• One Written by, kathryn Otoshi
• Where the Wild Things Are Written by, Maurice Sendak
• Miss Nelson is Missing Written by, Harry Allard
• The Very Hungry Caterpillar Written by, Eric Carle
• Lady Lollipop Written by, Dick King- Smith
• Harold and the Purple Crayon by, Crockett Johnson

Death of a Daily Routine

We often complain that we are stuck with a certain routine in our lives. If you look anywhere and I mean everywhere from blog sites to social media posts, you can always find people complaining about falling into a certain routine and  advising others on how they need to try something different. All their posts include the routinely quotes demanding we, “Seize and live in the moment” or simply, “Try something new.” Ironically half of those people making these posts continue on with their routine lives. I call this routinefobia (not actually a legit phobia). It’s a terrible illness where we become convinced that we are okay with these routines. It is a disease where we are afraid to try new things.

I along with others have found myself guilty of the complaining routine crew who don’t do much to change it. A huge part of me does believe that routine is structure and will help keep a person less stressed, but I do believe that it also takes away some of your ability to think for yourself. I made this weekend an experiment to see if I could successfully break away from a smaller routine in my life. This weekend I attempted to tackle my social routine, which usually consists of going to a movie, or spending my night at a shopping mall with friends. I instead, decided to dive into the world of literature by watching The Death of a Salesman in Long beach this past saturday. This was only about the third time I have gone and seen live theatre. The last two times consisted of a musical and the Nutcracker. I was around ten years old and I don’t remember  much except thinking the musical was over when it was really just intermission. I also remember being very disappointed at the fact that the Nutcracker was a show strictly on dancing and music.

I had bought my ticket to the Death of a Salesman, because I  remembered my father telling me it was an outstanding play that had been converted into a book. It seemed interesting, but the whole week, I had my doubts about attending the play. It was a step out of my comfort zone and It gave me a feeling of uneasiness not knowing what was going to happen. Finally on saturday I entered the theatre with an open mind and I was completely blown away. My friend and I were the only ones who looked under the age of twenty. It was better, because I had the feeling of being surrounded by many wise men and women. Before I get into more details of how this play was incredible, i’ll explain a little more about the play itself if it’s unfamiliar to some.

Death of a Salesman is situated in the late 1940’s where there is no option in life, but to rise to the top and become wealthy. A man is fixated on the idea that his older son is going to be somebody big and successful, and he drives himself to his death not giving up on his aspirations for his son, even though his son tell him time after time that his life is not meant for such great things. I couldn’t believe how drawn I became. The acting was no Jack Nicholson in The Shining, but the actors gave you a strong sense of belonging almost as if you could’ve easily been there along in the story development. The emotions in the theatre were so raw that actors were able to create a certain atmosphere to match their feelings, words and actions. I could feel the tension in suspenseful scenes and I emphasized with the characters. I loved every minute of the play. There was so much symbolism to take away from the play, because the play is still relevant today, after sixty years. I did not expect to have so much fun in those short two hours. At the end of the play, I felt as though I had gone through the same experience, as where I know I could not feel that by watching a movie at a theater.

This past saturday was a complete success at trying something new. If I wouldn’t have followed through, I would’ve never realized how fond I am of live theatre. It all starts with something. Trying something new at your favorite restaurant, or maybe going to see a foreign film. Possibly reading a good book for a change. Whatever it is, It doesn’t help to step outside your comfort zone and try something new. As cheesy as it sounds, you might discover a lot about the things that are truly worth enjoying.

 

-Thank you,

Laura

Eternal Sunshine

A few days ago in history we were talking about John F. Kennedy and his presidency. We concluded the subject by talking about his assassination, and the reactions made by the public. My history teacher told us about a recent experience that his mother had had while talking to another lady she had just met. It turns out that they actually went to the same high school and both of them remember being in the gym when they received word of Kennedy’s assassination. The news of Kennedy’s death is an event that became engraved in many minds, and it’s crazy how after all these years my teacher’s mom and the lady remembered exactly where they were that day and how everything had unfolded. My teacher then shared his experience with September 11. He could remember what he did that morning leading up to when he actually found out.

There’s always the stereotype that once you start getting old, you become forgetful about many things, but there are various moments in life that will become recorded tapes inside your mind. Granted, i’m still young, but i’m not the best at remembering things or events. Sometimes, I have struggles remembering what I wore to school yesterday! But I can remember the pajamas I was wearing when my dad brought home the “new” gaming system The Gamecube. I can remember playing Mario Kart Double Dash and racing the Desert Land as my first of many race tracks. I remember the shirt I was looking for in my moms closet when I found all the letters I had written to Santa. I remember the rush of adrenaline during my first cross country race and how I had said Good Luck to some girl from California High School right before the race. Even though some of these events were big in my life, It’s funny that I can easily match all the little details that accompany that event.

Some events are engraved in our minds because they haunt us and we want to badly forget them. They’re memories that follow us around waiting to be reminisced, and we become so scared. We can’t forget every little detail of the story. But through the good and the bad I believe that the good will always outshine the bad. There’s a reason why older people are always talking about the good times when they were younger. They tend to reminisce and strongly remember the happier moments of their lives. A little bit of good goes a long ways.

After the discussion in history I became even more obsessed with a song, “Eternal Sunshine” by Jhene Aiko.

“Is is strange for me to say that

If I were to die today

There’s not a thing that I would change

I’ve lived well”

I found this song so relatable, because the things we go through, good or bad, they make us who we are. They teach us lessons and in the end, they fill us with joy. I wouldn’t change anything about my life or the people I have met, because everyone has taught me something. These events that are forever engraved along with their details keep us connected with ourselves and others.

 

–Laura

Hope

Hope is like a flower; as time goes on, it grows.

Being Spontaneous in a World that Demands Structure

As spring break rapidly comes to an end, we can all agree that we wished it would last longer. We wish we had one more week to be productive. More time to do more “spring breaky” things. In my case I wish I had all these things, but frankly, I would follow the same routine I carried out during the first week of spring break.  We do not value the essence of our days carefully. As presumptuous as Jaden Smith puts it, “Time does not exist, because we’re always creating our own boundaries.” As crazy as it might sound, it’s one hundred percent accurate.
We’re so focused on staying on a rigid schedule or no schedule at all. They both have equal disadvantages and advantages. It’s cool to sit and relax for awhile and unwind, but sitting on a couch binge watching Orange is the New Black for five hours is not the way to spend free time. Too much structure and work is also no way to spend a break. Yes, it’s good to get work done in advance, but some things can wait.

We like to control things and situations. We like to break down and organize things so that have certain time frames to do certain things. We are so scared to break out of our comfort zone. We are so afraid to try  new things.

“I have to be up early tomorrow. I can’t go.”

“I’m not feeling well. I have other things I need to do.”

In certain instances this may be true, but a lot of times we miss opportunities. Many complain that this is indebted to economic issues, but there is so much to explore around your area for no cost at all. I live in California, so i’m extremely lucky to have many places to visit, such as parks, trails and beaches. If we spend the amount of time we spend lounging on the couch, or a bit of time from our busy work schedules to investigate and find new areas to visit, we wouldn’t need to have another week. It’s great to have more “time,” but it isn’t great to let daylight go without doing something interesting.

 

Today the opportunity to go to Disneyland sprung up. Even though I knew I had school the next day, I still decided to go. Sometimes you have to break from the expected and have an adventure.

–Laura

Spectrums of Music

 

A lot of people say that our musical tastes define us. I don’t believe that’s at all true. Our favorite musical genres do not define our personalities or our actions, but they do give insight into our lives and the people who influence it.

I grew up with music being played around the house constantly. Whether my dad was playing his guitar or we were listening to one of my mom’s CD’s, my parents always had us musically involved. When my brother and I were little, my mom would play one of her salsa cd’s and have us dance all around the living room. At garage sales and swap meets my dad taught me how to look patiently through the never-ending racks of cds and vinyl records lined up in numerous rows. I learned that you can almost always find unexpected gems if you search closely. Throughout my childhood, my parents always played all sorts of different music and  encouraged my brother  and I to take up an instrument that seemed interesting. My brother started with the saxaphone and later took up the flute and the piano. My first instrument was the trumpet and I enjoyed the fact that there were technically only three keys available to play. I used to think emptying the spit valve was the funnest thing in the world. During my trumpet days I tried out the flute, but had no interest. When I stopped playing the trumpet my parents pushed me to join piano with my brother. I reproachfully agreed to a one week trial and ended have well exceeded my trial with six and a half years under my belt. I fell in love with everything about it.

When I first started playing piano, classical music didn’t interest me. My dad used to frequently play Rachmaninoff, Mozart or a Beethoven cds while we were eating breakfast. They were pretty-sounding but even when I was became more advanced and was capable of playing classical music, hearing it wasn’t anything I would listen to if I had a choice. This all changed when a new classmate joined our piano group at the studio. She would bring up all these composers I had never heard of. She would talk about how each composer articulated their pieces and how beautiful it was to listen to. I became intrigued by this so called “beauty” and started looking up all these acclaimed composers she spoke of. These composers, Scriabin, Bartok, Schumann and others were completely outside the realm of my knowledge. When I thought of classicaI music I was so narrow-minded and always thought of the typical composers (Bach, Mozart, Beethoven), but I had never explored outside of what I knew. My classmate and I  became really good friends and now, we  have a tradition where we share our classical finds.

I don’t like the idea of generalizing music tastes through the way people dress or act. Judging on my appearance people are always surprising to learn I listen to classical music. I listen and enjoy a lot of different genres. We shouldn’t be stuck on the idea that we can only have one favorite genre. I like to listen to rap too. In my perspective there are two different types of rap: 1. Strict beat poppin, songs or artist  that focus on the beat and getting their music to the top of the charts. 2. (My Favorite) Lyrical based raps. There’s nothing more powerful than sending a hard hitting message to the public.

People influence each other in powerful ways, and music is a huge one. Whether it’s an artist or a friend telling you to checkout a sing you’ll like, all sorts of music can touch you. I have another close friend who manages to send me links to her newest indie song addictions. I have another friend who keeps me updated on the pop charts. My mom has kept me in touch with her favorite spanish rock songs. Everything has its grace. It’s just about finding it.

Nothing beats a Chopin Nocturne, John Lennon belting “Mother,” a Mac Miller verse on one of his mixtapes, or  Ed Sheeran playing his guitar while singing a rendition of a popular cover. I laugh when people think someone’s intelligence is based on what they listen to. We never know what we like until we go out and explore for ourselves.

 

–Laura

San Diego Beatles Fair

Mural at Queen Bees in San Diego

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of accompanying my father to the Beatles Fair in San Diego. It was held at The Queen Bee cultural center and was an all-day event. I had a spectacular time hanging out and listening to the music of my favorite band of all time.

Mind Games.

“Change your mind and It will change your life”

 

I heard this quote when my friend showed me a video narrated by Tyrese Gibson. I wasn’t used to watching motivational videos, let alone taking a “motivational” message to heart. I have probably listened to his video fifty times. To this day I still think about everything he mentions in his video. There were so many quotes that were heavy, but this quote was especially impactful since I have been dealing with this for the longest time. I believe mentality is something many of us struggle on a daily basis.

These words have become engraved in my mind ever since I first heard them. I run Cross Country and Track and these few words make up these two sports, especially Cross Country.This might even be relatable to other sports. But one thing is certain, If you don’t run, you might not understand how much truth there is to this quote.

Speaking from first-hand experience, what you think during a race and at practice will affect your overall outcome. Always.

Your thoughts can be pushed aside for a while, but will always creep back in if they’re not dealt with. Sometimes we get so caught up in the physical aspects of this sport. We like to talk about the importance of keeping our mileage up, the importance of getting the right nutrition, and how important it is to hydrate. We talk about all these physical qualities, but no one hardly ever talks about building mental strength.

Mental strength is the most important thing. I’ve seen girls that are one hundred percent physically capable of running three 6:30 miles, but have cracked during their race. It’s a lot harder to deal with when you’re surrounded by 150 other girls that are just as capable as your are, along with the same purpose: To win. If we all share similar capabilities why do we all run different times?

I like to think of it as two voices in my head. One of them tells me, “You gotta go, start picking them off one by one,” and the other is a smaller whisper, “They’re too far ahead, stay comfortable and you’ll make it just fine.” A lot of us choose to listen to the second voice, myself included. As soon as we listen, that voice gets progressively louder. It’s so easy to stay comfortable during a race. It’s so comfortable to settle with minimal pain. Not a lot of athletes can lay it all down on the line. There’s always a moment of restriction. A line of defense enabled when the going gets too tough.

Unfortunately, overcoming this is a lot easier said then done. A lot of mental things that affect us are problems that come from school or home. We don’t even realize that these small details play into our performance. If home and school aren’t an issue, voices of fear when stepping on the line to race will creep in. Our minds will always find an excuse to not succeed. A small voice will always try to overpower our strength. We can physically try all the possible to beat these thoughts away, but until we can come to terms with these thoughts, nothing will change. The voice will remain.

Below is the video that has helped me challenged my mental thoughts. Enjoy

Unexpected Love.

Music is definitely a huge defining factor in my life. I recently wrote a blog post about playing the piano, and how much it has impacted my life. This week I decided I wanted to talk more about this huge part of my life. All this in honor of Certificate of Merit Testing these next two weeks. If you don’t know what Certificate of Merit Testing is,  It’s a theory and performance evaluation test issued by the Music Teacher’s Association of California. It’s pretty much as fancy as it sounds. The first week is a theory exam based on chords, scales, and ear evaluation. The second week is a judged scheduled performance that must be completed in 20 minutes. This includes the required technique and four pieces from different eras of music. This is my first year officially taking this test and I couldn’t be more of a nervous wreck.

I started taking piano lessons about 6/7 years ago. I never intended on joining any of the classes, let alone staying for such a long duration. My older brother was the interested musical sibling and of course I always wanted to copy him. I can recall sitting in my first few classes, having no idea on what was going on. I couldn’t read simple spaced out notes and I had such a hard time paying attention. I was always scared of getting yelled at for not playing the right notes, so sometimes I wouldn’t even play! I was placed in group lessons, because my parents didn’t believe I was completely dialed in on this new hobby. Eventually, I learned the notes. It wasn’t easy, and I struggled for the longest time. I started playing  three lined simple songs from a course book and worked my way up through the rest of the colored course books.

After my Third year of playing simple songs, I received my first classical piece. (J.S Bach’s Minuet in G) I played it endlessly. It was the only “classical” piece I knew and I worshipped it. After the Minuet in G, my group started receiving more classical pieces, A Sonatina from Mozart or an easy two pager Chopin piece. At this point, I decided to stay in group lessons. I enjoyed the environment and it helped getting everybody’s perspective on pieces. I would think it’s lonely having no one to talk to in privates. Plus, There’’s more socializing that a group can do together. After each classical piece, I would add it to my piano repertoire and replay it every once in a while to keep it fresh in my mind. After a while, I would just spend my free time practicing all my pieces. Even though it was very repetitive, I loved knowing what notes came next, how I had to move my hand to catch the beat on time.

Throughout the years, my piano studio holds annual season recitals for family and friends and ever since I can remember, they’ve been some of the most nerve wrecking times of my life. Playing in front of numerous amounts of people has never been my forte, and I tend to always make a few mistakes while playing. If you’re shy and don’t like being in the middle of big crowds, you know this horrible feeling. Before I went on, and still to this day, my hands get very sweating, my heart starts beating uncontrollably and my legs are almost impossible to control. Performing in front of crowds has always been a weakness, I was never too sure if people would pay attention. Even though it’s crazy nervous, it’s also  so exciting and these performances have taught me so much about myself. If you make a mistake, you just keep one going.

I have been playing piano for a long time. Yes, I still make  mistakes when I play, and sometimes I still struggle with notes. Sometimes I forget the rhythm and sometimes I simply don’t know where we are in the music, but the one thing i’m certain of, is my love for the piano. I used to hide the fact that I played. I thought it was embarrassing and outdated. I recall begging my parents not to sign me up for the talent show, because I didn’t want anyone to know I played. Ironically, I got second place. I never planned on taking The Certificate of Merit Testing. My teacher never used to believe in competitions because he believed that took away from the art. I completely agree, but I’m taking this test as a challenge. (To try something new!) I’m aware that I might possibly crack under pressure and I might give a  performance that isn’t my best, but the most important thing I want to commit to is the fact of remembering not to crack under pressure. Knowing what you’re capable of and retaining that thought when doing sports and activities is the most important part to exceling.

 

Fingers Crossed Thank You,

Laura